Catching my monsters

And suddenly again I felt that sensation that they were coming, some produced a cold in the back and others a heat that overflowed through my head, they were here again.

Suddenly the sun goes down and I only see dark clouds that hold the water without letting it fall freely.

Whenever they arrive, I take the strength that I have left from our last battle (in which they sometimes beat me) and once again, I start fighting. But sometimes I'm not ready and they come when I'm already tired when there are no more desires or tears left. Those are the hardest and longest battles.

And then, the voices begin... one tells me that they already know they will win, another reminds me of my overweight, how weak I am, and compares me with everyone who comes to its mind. I am tired. I just want them to stop.

The one who produces the cold yells at me that no one will ever sincerely love me because I was abandoned by those who gave me life but did not want to share theirs with me.

Sometimes a very powerful one arrives and manages to turn everything into ice and stops time, erases everything that is around me and turns it into darkness, and suddenly shows me a movie of everything that has marked and destroyed my life before, and I know it's in the past but it's so real that it seems like it's here happening all over again, right now.

But today, something different happened, whenever they arrive I usually hide, and if they find me I try to make myself small so they don't destroy me completely.

But today, I waited for them standing up, with my head held high, and I told them, here I am. First, they tried to make fun of me by showing how big they are compared to me, then one said: 'You've tried before, you know you won't win, why even try'.

But this time, I was wearing something I had never worn before, a beautiful vest made of hope and embroidered with faith. I had put on some shoes of self-love, and I could step harder than ever. My pants were made of dreams and they feel light and refreshing. And my head, my head was covered with a helmet made of self-confidence and polished with forgiveness. When they began to get closer, my clothing covered me, and I didn't feel so much the cold or the heat that they normally produce on me, this time when they try to defeat me as they did before, a brilliant light appeared and threw them all away. And I looked up and the clouds that for so long had held so much rain, let it fall. And it felt so fresh, so new, so mine. And I enjoyed every drop, and I danced and danced, and when it began to stop, the clouds were no longer black, the sky was blue, and something that I no longer remembered came out, and illuminated a path, it was the sun, the sun had returned.

And then each one of these monsters lowered their heads and said that they had nowhere to go, that this was also their place, their home, because here, in my mind, they were born.

Then I looked at them compassionately and told them that I already knew and that I had understood that I will always have them with me, but that from now on only peace could exist between us, because yes, in my mind they had been born, but they exist because I exist, but from now on, our world would only shine, it would only have harmony, and they would only go as far as I allowed them because I have caught all of them today, and their roles would now be chosen only by me.